Okay. I’m starting over. Forget everything you’ve heard about Cupcakes + Kale Shakes, because this is the real stuff- I promise.
I originally started this blog in May, because I was really sick of college, excited about moving to LA, and confident in my new label-free lifestyle. I was excited to share my love of food with the world, and further, share my journey towards balance, which I considered a work in progress but still quite successful, nonetheless.
Note: you can skip my life story and read an overview in my about me, HERE. Or you can keep reading! <3
Then life stepped in and threw me for a TOTAL LOOP. I think most normal bloggers would leave this kind of information out of their posts, but I’ve always valued honesty above all else, and as I grow this blog, I want to be 100% honest with my followers at all times. So here goes.
When I moved to LA, I had EXTREMELY high expectations. I thought I knew exactly what my life was going to look like, and I had my future planned out perfectly. Classic Type A planner-obsessed me. But (surprise surprise) my expectations ended up looking nothing like the reality of my new life in LA. My internship at a talent agency, which I had secured months prior, proved to be unpaid and unfulfilling. So I quit that, hoping to find another (paid) job ASAP that would be more in line with my passions. I applied for a few that I didn’t get, and after a few weeks of being unemployed and friendless, I slipped into a little depressive episode. Times were tough, and I had no desire to do anything positive for myself, much less maintain this blog. I tried to find happiness in workout classes and random good meals, which worked occasionally, but I still couldn’t shake this massive feeling of regret- regret for moving to LA, for being so quick to leave Nashville, for not enjoying college more, etc.
Then I happened upon a job at a company, which I won’t name, that essentially forced me to re-think EVERY SINGLE CHANGE I’d made to my life regarding food. I completely altered my blog to create a new message about “balanced veganism,” and I also deleted a ton of posts on my social media channels, hoping that I could still make my blog work with this new job opportunity. I felt like a total fraud, but I just wanted to be employed, and at the time, changing my life seemed completely worth it.
Weeks passed by, and I started feeling worse and worse about everything- the changes I’d made to my diet, the way my life was turning out in LA, even this new job opportunity that seemed so perfect at first. I felt like I wasn’t thinking straight EVER, like I had no goals and no purpose. It was a really really really rough time for me mentally, especially after an already difficult month.
But then I had a eureka moment. I was perusing my favorite blog, The Balanced Blonde, and I realized- why would I work somewhere that would force me to change myself and my life so drastically? I had finally started to find peace and love and balance after so many years of disordered eating and depression, and yet, I was about to send myself right back into that dark place for a JOB. It seemed so silly, and at that moment, I realized that being myself is and always will be the most important thing.
So I decided to delete all the “balanced vegan” stuff that I had created half-heartedly on my blog, vowing to start over fresh this time. I also went back and edited all of my remaining Instagram and social media posts, wishing that I could get back what I deleted but also realizing that the mental clarity I had gained was TOTALLY worth it. Finally, after two months in LA, things were starting to seem bright and happy.
I don’t know where my life’s journey is going to take me, and I don’t know what my dream job is or where I’m going to end up living. But I do know that I love cupcakes just as much as I love kale shakes, and that living a balanced lifestyle is and will always be my #1 priority, because if I’m not feeling happy and fulfilled personally, I’ll never be able to give my all to any job.
I can’t WAIT to start sharing stuff with you guys! And I promise to never put up a front about things or lie for any reason because honesty is the best policy always!